Samuel Winters was a quiet, mild mannered “Southern Gentleman”. He was also a father of fourteen children, a school principal, a historian, a horticulturalist and civic leader. In some ways Dad’s life was simple, even ordinary. But the informal education he provided to me and my siblings is profound. Listed below are only a few of the lessons in living meaningfully that he taught.

Even in a chaotic environment – it is possible to remain peaceful. Family events are NOT peaceful at our home. My father was able to remain peaceful, sometimes even napping in his recliner when there were multiple loud games and conversations going on all around him. Babies wailing, teenagers noisily acting out their angst, siblings taunting one another – none of this seemed to get to him. I hope that some day I will be able to be able to come close to the level of peace in the midst of chaos that he was able to regularly achieve.

You do not always have to be in charge. At home, my mother was the manager of the household. Yes, my Father would do yard work, make plumbing repairs, manage some major discipline issues. But in terms of running the household – Mom was in charge and that was fine with my father. He was available to consult and to run errands, but was ok with a power differential.

It is important to maintain individual interests, even when living in a tight-knit community. My father was an avid reader and had interests in history, rocks and minerals and horticulture – especially Daffodil cultivation. He was involved in the family and in his children’s activities, but also found time for his own interests. If others were interested in his pursuits, that was fine, but if they were not, he was content focusing on his interests alone.

Often the best teaching is a quiet example. My father was often quiet. He was not the “life of the party”, though he could be very witty and entertaining. I remember some long car trips we took together, driving for several hours with no conversation, no radio, just being with each other and with silence. The added benefit of this silence was that when he spoke, he had something of relevance to add to the conversation.

Dad died in 2007, but I am still learning from the lessons he lived in his life. The more I reflect on the way he was in the world – the more I recognize the kind of human being I want to become.

Michael Winters is a Psychologist in Houston focusing on marriage counseling and therapy. Michael received his PhD from the University of Memphis and has been practicing since 1991.